It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling for a while now to find some indication that I’m making progress with my life and not simply treading water. I’ve been on the planet long enough to know that even though it feels like I should have gotten my act together decades ago, the truth of the matter is most of us are just winging it on a day to day basis.
And yet we still have this notion that we must succeed at all costs. That every day should be productive, that every minute should count. As a slow writer who has been bogged down even further by the sheer onslaught of utterly horrific news on a daily basis–and who is also very much aware of the practical amount of writing time I have left on this planet–the fact that I sit spinning my wheels is frustrating on most days and downright depressing on others.
I’ve recently been forced to rethink why I write. Most of us become writers because we love reading and storytelling, and are happiest creating our own stories with our fictional friends. I started publishing because I wanted to share my stories, but also because a tiny part of me was hoping for some sort of retirement plan. I’ve written about why I am no longer willing to jump through the marketing hoops, but taking the pressure off myself from trying to appease the Algorithm Gods didn’t magically restore the joy of creating stories for me either.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s very difficult to be creative when your creative well is dry.
The other night I got into a conversation about how frustrated I was with my lack of progress in everything–how I might have 10 minutes a day to commit to something at best. How can anyone expect to make progress in ten minutes a day? The answer I got was “ten minutes a day is better than zero minutes.”
The conversation led to a series of thinky thoughts I posted on Bluesky, and I’ve decided to screencap and share them here.
I suspect many of us feel like we might as well smash the violin. But if we did, we’d never know the joy and satisfaction of what we might achieve some day.
I appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable with us and I empathize with these challenges/struggles, including finding the time to write for more than 10 minutes a day. I am one of those people who needs to immerse myself in the world of my characters for the story to flow, so it’s difficult to do that in brief stints, unless the ‘faucet’ is turned on and the flow is unstoppable until all the words get out. Unfortunately, that isn’t as frequent as I’d like. I have found that focusing on my physical health has helped with my mental and emotional states and thereby my writing. Physical health for me at the moment, is at the most basics: hydration, getting up and stretching/moving hourly-ish, trying to sleep through the night with an aim for more than a collective 4 hours, and eating well enough that I don’t get hangry, nauseous, or fatigued. All of this is to say, I understand your challenges. You’re not alone. And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.
Your physical health goals sound a lot like mine these days, and I’m missing the mark on most of them. Probably why everything feels more challenging these days. I’m an immersive writer myself, and I’m finding it *very* hard to get into that mindset. I suspect I’m going to have to take a prolonged social media break. Aside from it not being good for my mental health, I think it is really complicit in the decay of my ability to focus. :/
Thank you for your offer to be a supportive ear. That’s very kind of you.
I actually do understand exactly what you mean. Been there, done that and still doing it. I want to smash the violin but I can’t so the dreaded limbo takes over. The problem is that to not try is a void and please excuse the play on words but it is a void we have to avoid.
McKenna, if it helps, I really enjoyed your books. And I followed all your posts. Maybe the answer is to find your people and they will keep you buoyant when moments of self-doubts arise. If you find your people there will always be a follower to what you do. Maybe look around and see your people and let them keep you buoyant. That is all I want because it keeps me going.
It’s a small group and I try to lead by example even just a quick like on their social media, or a review of their books but I keep it up. If some don’t reciprocate I figure it is their problem. It’s not about the number of likes or even followers – its about knowing someone is actually seeing you so I try to see them. I just put up a post where I tweaked a poem I wrote a few years ago to say just this. Not everyone will be as selfless for want of a better word but it keeps you solid because it reminds you of who you are.
You’ve hit the nail on the head as to why I’ve “quit” in 2025. I’m no longer chasing algorithms because I’m no longer chasing the dream of being successful enough as a writer that I can retire (and happily write all day). In part because doing so has taken a lot of the fun out of writing, and only replaced it with stress. These days, my goals with social media–like the writing–is to do what amuses me and hope it makes someone else’s day a little brighter as well.
There is so much to feel angry, fearful, and helpless about. But that’s what they want, so I refuse to give into it.
It does help to know you’ve enjoyed my books and posts–thank you. I’ve often said I write for the person who needs a few hours of escapism to help them get through another crappy day. More and more, I think that person is me! 😉
“Nothing I do feels like it matters” – this line is what hit me the hardest. I can usually go longer than 3 days in a hope to master something, but then, my interest or focus drifts away and I bounce to the next new and shiny things that catches my attention.
Definitely a Jack of all trades and master of none. My house is filled with hundreds of projects or skills that I have tried, even succeeded, only to be put away for “something new.”
When I do focus on something that I love (like writing) the noise of the world fills my head and I struggle to push it back. There are always more errands to run, calls to make, bills to pay, appointments to book, chores to do… finding ANY time sometimes feels like an impossibility.
Then comes the words “nothing I do feels like it matters” and in its wake the grey cloak of apathy and depression.
If I’m lucky, a new shiny will grab my attention, pull me out of the funk with a happy dose of dopamine and I can start the whole d*mn cycle again.
I like the idea of “I tried”. Maybe I need to think about that more.
Great post.
I’m so sorry I didn’t see this comment earlier–usually WP sends me a notice!
Sometimes I wish I could become absorbed with a “new shiny” to take my mind off things. I had a LOT of fun with TikTok when I first began using it because it appealed to the frustrated actress in me. I dove headfirst into learning how to make posts, finding sounds that I could give a bookish/murderish twist to, used wigs and filters to play different characters and so on.
Now that it is becoming another oligarch-owned platform intent on curating the material it wants us to see, my enthusiasm for it has dropped immensely. My desire to be on social media across the board has dropped. Now that I’m no longer trying to “make” it as a writer, it’s been easier to let that go. I spent this past week taking photos, going hiking, and spending time with the dog–and all of the sudden, I was able to see what was wrong with my WIP and what I needed to do to fix it.
I know it’s hard but sometimes we as creatives need to step back from the daily inundation of bad news and doomscrolling so we can hear that small voice of creativity within. I think “I tried” is a good place to start. Maybe it gets easier with each attempt. 🙂